


Good Morning Heartache

by AngelsCry (XCuteAsHale)



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: Funeral, Grief/Mourning, Harvey's funeral, M/M, Memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-18
Updated: 2015-02-18
Packaged: 2018-03-13 13:08:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3382688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XCuteAsHale/pseuds/AngelsCry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mike closed his eyes once more, the sound of her voice escaping him. He didn’t want to hear about how great Harvey was. He didn’t want to look at the sadness in her eyes. He just wanted Harvey, and if he couldn’t have him, he wanted the second best thing; the pictures of Harvey his memory supplied.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Good Morning Heartache

**Author's Note:**

> My first Marvey fic! Hopefully you'll like it! Hit me up on this wierd site called[ tumblr](http://www.just-give-me-amnesia.tumblr.com) if you want! Beta'd by the amazing [Archangelofthelord9811](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Archangelofthelord9811) so thank you love! Enjoy!

Mike closed his eyes. He didn’t need to have them open to know that Donna was sitting next to Rachel, crying silently into her girlfriends shoulder, black dress supreme and amazing. He didn’t need to have them open to know that Jessica was currently sitting next to him, trying her hardest not to cry, and Louis was sitting in the far back, silent tears streaming down his face. He didn’t need to have them open to know that the preacher was standing in front of the casket made from pure mahogany, flawless in is red-brown color with a picture of Harvey on top. No, Mike didn’t need to have his eyes open to know that, so he kept them closed. And he discovered just how true it was that there was a thin line between love and hate. Because Mike could close his eyes, and he could see it all like a movie on the back of his eyelids, all the memories he had of Harvey. And Mike didn’t know whether he hated that, or loved it.

 

The preacher was talking some bullshit about how Harvey was looking down at them from heaven but Mike didn’t pay attention. All the noise surrounding him turned into white-noise. Instead he focused on the onslaught of memories. The sound, sensation and picture of the man named Harvey Reginald Specter. The man Mike loved.

 

_The first time they kissed it had been in Harvey’s apartment, standing in his living room, shouting at each other. Harvey had been pissed about Mike missing a meeting with a potential client, and Mike had tried telling him about the doctor’s appointment he had been at, but Harvey wouldn’t let him speak. Finally Mike had snapped, stepped right into Harvey’s personal space and grabbed his face between his hands, before he kissed him. A closed mouthed kiss on the lips that stole his breath and threatened to never give it back, but Mike didn’t care, because kissing Harvey was more than he had ever imagined. Eventually he had withdrawn, and Harvey had for the first time they had known each other been speechless._

_When Mike told him about the doctor’s appointment and apologized, he had been sure that he was going to be fired, dropped at Louis’s doorstep permanently, or slapped with a sexual harassment suit. Of course, he would never complain that Harvey had simply told him never to set up a doctor’s appointment in working hours again before he kissed him._

_It had taken Donna approximately two whole seconds when they got back to work the next day before she followed them both into Harvey’s office and said, smugly, and proudly;_

_“You two had sex!”_

_She had been wrong though, they didn’t have sex until three weeks, ten hours and fifteen minutes later. Not that Mike had been counting minutes, though._

Mike opened his eyes and saw Jessica getting up to replace the preacher, ready to give her speech, her parting words. She was dressed in a simple black dress that reached her mid-calf with long sleeves, black designer pumps and she had her hair twisted up in an elegant knot. The ever present image of a professional Harvard educated lawyer, the sole owner of Pearson-Specter, that soon would be just Pearson. But when he looked more closely he saw her hands shaking slightly, her dark eyes rimmed with un-shed tears, and he heard her voice shake.

 

“I first got to know Harvard Specter when he was working at the mail-room at Pearson-Specter, and I don’t know what possessed me to look at this kid, and think; He has potential. But by God, I’m glad I did. Harvey Specter was a great lawyer, and a good friend…”

 

Mike closed his eyes once more, the sound of her voice escaping him. He didn’t want to hear about how great Harvey was. He didn’t want to look at the sadness in her eyes. He just wanted Harvey, and if he couldn’t have him, he wanted the second best thing; the pictures of Harvey his memory supplied. Mike pictured all the ways Harvey had said he loved him, even though it took him almost seven months into their relationship to use the words themselves.

 

_“Good morning” Harvey had never, once, in the year Mike had worked for him used those words. For a moment Mike thought he had experienced a hemorrhage or maybe a seizure, but then he remembered the kiss they had shared the day before. Maybe it had broken down some dam? Or maybe Harvey just needed to know that they were good, despite Mike’s many reassurances?_

_“Good morning, Harvey.” Mike had responded, a perplexed look on his face._

_“Do you have the..”_

_“Background search on The Vandyke economics, ratio on female versus male employees in leading roles and two more cases of female appliers being overrun by male appliers with less education or time in the firm. Right here.” Mike said, slapping three blue folders on Harvey’s desk. Of course he had them; he had made it his goal to be at least one third as good as Donna to foresee Harvey’s needs and expectations._

_“You just made my day, Kid. Good work, proud of you.” Harvey had smiled as if his words hadn’t just made Mike feel like fainting was within the foreseeable future. Harvey had said he was proud of him one time before. _

_Mike had just smiled and gone back to his cubicle._

“Harvey always was always a hard worker, even though he sometimes could come off as both cocky and juvenile, and there was never really a doubt about his abilities to win a case, if he set his mind to it, that is.” Jessica was still talking when Mike opened his eyes, tears now falling freely down her cheeks, and Mike could feel his own tears staining his cheeks.

 

He closed his eyes.

 

_When Mike had taken his first vacation whilst working at Pearson-Hardman he had decided to fly out to California with Rachel, looking into Stanford, at which she had gotten an invitation for an interview. He only went as moral support of course, and he had made sure to express this to both Rachel, and more importantly Harvey. They hadn’t said anything exclusively yet, but they both knew they were going steady, and Mike wanted his approval._

_Harvey, ever the gentleman, had told him to go. And Mike had expected that that should be that. He hadn’t expected a series of texts on his phone when they finally landed, though._

_< Harvey Specter – 04.25PM>_

_Did you make it alright?_

_< Harvey Specter – 04.45PM>_

_Your flight was supposed to be there half an hour ago, seriously Mike, text me back, will you?_

_< Harvey Specter – 05.02PM >_

_Mike, call me._

_< Harvey Specter – 05.15 >_

_Seriously Mike, I need you to call me. ASAP._

_When he finally called Harvey to explain that their flight had been an hour delayed due to poor weather he had gotten his skin handed to him, but he was smiling at the end. Because it didn’t matter how much Harvey swore he didn’t care about anyone. Mike knew he cared about him._

_When Mike and Rachel had gotten back from their little trip, Harvey had been waiting for him at his apartment, a bottle of red wine in one hand and a still warm pizza from Mike’s favorite place in the other. No, it didn’t matter how much he denied it, Harvey was in love with Mike. And Mike knew._

When Mike opened his eyes once more, Jessica had sat back down beside him, and the choir standing towards the side of the grave, by the lone oak tree swaying in the wind, was now singing Amazing Grace. Mike knew that the next person to talk would be Donna, then him, and then they would play a song he had requested as a final goodbye to Harvey. He closed his eyes.

 

_A year into their relationship Harvey had asked Mike to move in with him, and he even insisted on hiring professional movers to help them, despite Mike’s objections. They had planned spending the entire first weekend living together only getting out of bed to eat or use the bathroom. After the week they had suffered through, with a hysterical client and a settlement that took too much work getting through, all Mike actually wanted was a weekend filled with mind blowing sex._

_Sadly, his body had a different opinion, and he woke up Saturday morning with a terrible headache and a cold sweat. He groaned and snuggled closer into Harvey who was still asleep, hoping that a bit more sleep would fix it all, and when he woke up again his body would be on-board with his plans. It didn’t._

_Harvey spent that weekend taking care of Mike, fetching him pain-killers and water, forcing chicken soup down his throat (he even threatened to call Donna if Mike didn’t eat!) and cuddling him. Mike spent that weekend going between wishing he was dead, and heart-meltingly-gushy-in-love making heart eyes at Harvey. And of course, checking out Harvey’s ass._

_It was one of the fondest memories Mike had of Harvey._

Donna was speaking now, telling them about the hot-shot prosecutor she got to know, who ended up bringing her with him to his new job. She told them about how Harvey had time after time given her faith when she needed it, a shoulder to cry on when she was despaired, and how he was the best friend she had ever had. She was telling a story about the time Harvey had tried making a pass at her back at the prosecutor’s office, and how she had turned him down, instead gaining a friend for life.

 

Mike closed his eyes.

 

_Harvey was sitting behind his desk, looking all kinds of delicious and tempting, and Mike was looking through his record collection as they were summarizing a new case they were working on. Apparently some high shot dot com millionaire was divorcing his wife and didn’t want to give her a dime of his money, but didn’t have a preen up. Now they needed to find a way to undermine her request of half his money and half of the share in his website._

_“Dude, have you actually listened to all these records, or are they just for show?” Mike asked turning around to look at him._

_“First of all, don’t call me dude. Second of all, you don’t buy an album and then don’t listen to it. Of course I’ve heard them all.” Harvey tried to sound stern, but the fond look on his face gave him away._

_Suddenly Harvey smiled, the kind of smile usually reserved for their after-glow at home, where no one else could see it but Mike. It was Mike’s favorite smile._

_“What?” Mike had asked, trying to keep a responding smile of his face._

_“I love you, you know that?” Harvey had said the words so casually, and if it wasn’t for Mike’s previous knowledge of Harvey’s fear of emotions, he might have gushed and made a big deal out of it._

_Of course, on the inside, he was gushing. It wasn’t every day someone said that they loved you for the first time. On the outside he only shrugged, smiling fondly at his mentor and lover._

_“Of course I know.” He answered._

_“And?” Harvey probed._

_“And I love you too.”_

When Mike opened his eyes once more, it was his turn to walk the sixteen steps up to stand in front of the casket and speak to the crowd. His feet felt like they were digging through quick-sand and it was like a haze settled in his head. With every step he took, he thought about the last time he saw Harvey, and how that one moment had broken his heart.

 

_They were standing just outside of the newly named Pearson-Specter, and Mike had been talking all day about wanting to go for a walk during their lunch, maybe catch a hotdog somewhere. Harvey had reluctantly agreed, and as they crossed the street, Harvey’s phone had started ringing. He stopped in the middle of the street, but Mike kept walking, and he didn’t turn around until he heard a woman scream, a set of tires squeak on the asphalt, and a heavy dumping sound._

_When he turned around he saw Harvey lying in the middle of the road, a taxi standing two feet in front of him, and blood pooling around him. Mike couldn’t breathe. Panic set in quickly, and he ran over to Harvey, falling on his knees beside him, screaming his name. He petted his hands gently on Harvey’s face, trying to wake him, when Harvey’s eyes opened. Mike cradled his head in his lap, leaning slightly over his lover, as if trying to shield him from the world. In the distance he heard someone screaming; “Call 911!” but it was all lost to him._

_“Mike, what happened?” Harvey’s voice was weak, and there was blood dripping from his nose and his right ear._

_“You had an accident, baby… But don’t worry, you’re safe, I got’cha.” Mike said, silent tears running down his face._

_“I can’t feel my legs, Mike, I can’t feel my legs!” Harvey said, tears welling in his eyes._

_“Don’t cry, you’re going to be fine sweetie, I think I can hear the ambulance coming now, you just hold on, ok?”_

_Harvey started shaking slightly, blood staining Mike’s suit, tears running down both their faces._

_“Mike, what happened?” Harvey asked once more, slowly blinking his eyes, as if to shake a persistent fog in his mind._

_“Harvey, sweetheart, you had an accident. Help is on its way, just hang on, ok?” Mike cried, trying to swallow around the lump in his throat._

_“I love you, you know that, right?” Harvey’s words was like a knife slowly carving its way through Mike’s soul._

_“I love you too, now you hang on, don’t you dare fall asleep on me, you hear me?”_

_Harvey just smiled that small and private smile Mike loved so much, before he closed his eyes._

_Mike screamed his name, trying to wake him, and when the ambulance arrived at the scene they had to pry him off of Harvey._

Mike shook his head once he reached the front, standing between the choir and the vinyl player that used to be in Harvey’s office, looking at the crowd that had gathered there for Harvey, to say their final goodbye. He could see all of Harvey’s old friends, his co-workers at Pearson-Specter, his little brother. And with tears streaming down his face, Mike opened his mouth, and began saying his last goodbye to Harvey.

 

“Harvey Reginald Specter wasn’t just a great lawyer, an admirable brother, a good friend. He was the love of my life. He was my mentor. When I first met Harvey I was at the end of my roads, and in quite a jam, and Harvey lent me a hand. He got me a job at New York’s best law firm, he let me work on his cases with him, and he showed me just what it took to become a good lawyer. But that wasn’t all there was to Harvey. There was a side of him that he didn’t let people see.

Harvey hated waking up early on Sunday mornings, and he absolutely refused to get up before eleven, unless I bribed him. He loved sitting at home in the evenings, with a glass of scotch in his hands, just sitting in silence listening to his jazz records. He loved baseball and he treated the world like his own private game. His favorite pizza was with mushrooms and onions, he had a soft spot for old movies…

I had seven wonderful years by the side of the man named Harvey Reginald Specter, and if I could, I wouldn’t trade them for the rest of my life. I was the failure, who fell in love, with the best goddamn closer in New York.

I’ll end this speech by something Harvey said to me on our first big scare together, when we were sure that our client would kick us to the curb, and Harvey had this crazy idea. I told him that Jessica would kill him if it didn’t work, and Harvey quoted Winston Churchill to me;

“ _I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.”_ So. Harvey, I love you. And I’ll miss you. I’ll see you when we meet again.”

 

Mike closed his mouth, stopping the flood of words that still pressed against the back of his teeth. He could have gone on forever speaking about Harvey; professing his love for him. But all he could do was walk back to his chair, forcing his spine to keep straight, and his head to stay high. He couldn’t do anything about the tears that just wouldn’t stop running, or the way his hands refused to stop shaking.

 

When he finally reached his chair and sat back down, he felt Jessica’s hand on the back of his shoulder, and when the song started playing, he broke down. Because whilst Billie Holliday sang Good Morning Heartache, Mike realized something.

 

Harvey was gone. And Now Mike was completely and utterly alone.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh, btw; Listen to Billie Holiday's song Good Morning Heartache!


End file.
